The Night

It's amazing the things you'd find on facebook and the likes...But a couple of sentences caught my eye:

A couple were walking down the streets when a car lost control. The guy immediately pushed his girl aside and got hit by the car's side mirrors breaking his ribs.Girl:You idiot, why did you save me?
Guy:Broken ribs are better than a broken heart...

But the horrible truth remains that hearts break and we are compelled to look back from time to time,
when we are alone, the night catches us, off guard.
It spreads its arms, engulfs us, devours us,
and there is nothing else, but to think, and go over it again.
And while the cruel night laughs,
you are left with no choice but to look back.

And the night is shattered...

You were listening to Neruda as I walked in.
You hushed me up, and the voice said, "The night is shattered and the blue stars shiver in the distance."
I looked out the window...the darkest sky...no moon, no sign of the stars.
And tried to imagine and picture him.
I couldn't, so I tried some more.
And I tried again, and suddenly the voice said, in its playful tune, "Tonight I can write the saddest lines..."
And I realised it was the wrong image. The wrong person.
I turned to look at you...You're eyes closed.
It was about you.

And it played again,
 "To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.
What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is shattered and she is not with me."

I could not have you, nor could I leave...
I tried to think it was foolish, but more foolish to have even housed the slightest thought that it wasn't true...
That in some way you weren't mine and
That I hadn't surrendered myself to you.

On love

Sometimes you do not need to say much. Sometimes what you want to say lie slipped, stolen from your lips. Sometimes what you had never even imagined - potent words, inflicts you with such a force...and that the shards of those beautiful words never leave you. This seems to be one such thing...

From Captain Corelli's Mandolin:
"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

Out of nothing

Is it me?
my face, is it?
or my voice, that shoves?
is it what I say, that pushes you afar?

It's like being back in school,
all the pin-pointing,
harping about all the visible mistakes
and all that critical ire.


Away with it then,
the farce.
The farce behind the soft touch on my skin.
Away with it then,
the idea of you and me.
Away with it,
the time spent.
Away with it then,
the we and the us.

Back to square one

And it hits again.
Your voice - the feel of which I wanted to forget.
I had almost succeeded in my personal burial,
my memorial service,
And then you happened.

You laugh - and I'm back,
Talking of the rain, and the lanes, and where shores met our feet.
Waiting for your friends whom I'll never really see,
The frosted glasses, beer, which I'll never really drink.

Blue-Olive
The imaginary walks,
The silent talks,
Where you took me to see your hiding places,
Your plants, your music, yourself.

Is it ever to happen?
The boat behind - will it ever sail?
Are we to walk the shores...
Drain that glass of beer...
Trace my lips with your fleeting fingers?

What do you do when the music stops?
When all the noise around you fails.
That moment - that millisecond of silence -that dread.
The truth hits you on the face - it is just You...
...alone.

Of memories...

and all that remains are memories.
nothing but old photographs,
faded, kept too long in the hiding.

Voices have become whispers.
Almost gone, invisible,
like the morning breeze that sweeps past your hair.

and all that remains are shards of words.
catch phrases, and that ring of laughter.
what you really said,...is nothing but a dream that i had in wakefulness.

In precisely five days it'l be two whole months since I wrote on the blog. Nothing to say to anyone, nor any random philosophical sprouting, to confuse people with enormous words or hunt for that deep meaning hidden somewhere between those longish phrases...

Right now i have no clue as to what I want to say, all I want to is write!

Spoke/Chatted to a close friend after a long time; he reminds me of packing unbearably large bags of non-veg food and zooming towards the India Gate, and of all my friends back at home. I miss them, but, nothing is ever going to be the same again; pretty soon ill also start working, and as once i professed to a friend: "We'l just try to show off who has more money, a big car and expensive eye-gear whenever we meet. Earning money makes people so crass!" Sigh!

Everythings not so bad after all, my fears of conclusion of a relationship with the 3 year mark (a long story) - a sad truth in the history of my life - has proved me wrong. Although we didn't have money at all... things were great. In the three years together, Katman has matured while I have turned childish, a grand role reversal in the scheme of things! Found my innocence, acting at the spur of moment, faith in people again and the courage to be blatantly honest.

For the promise of tomorrow.